And all I want to do is go get ice cream with my mom and cry it out. But, since that’s not an option, a Ginormous hug from my main man and about 10 Reese’s miniatures will have to do for now. It was kind of one of those days where nothing in particular sucked, it was just a sucky day in general and I could not be happier that it’s almost time for bed.
So, this morning, I woke up early for work for the first time since my long Christmas break and fixed myself a breakfast consisting of half an english muffin topped with Egg Beaters and Salsa (and possibly a few bites of leftover green bean casserole. don’t judge)…
SOUTHWESTERN STYLE EGG BEATERS!! Off to a great start, so far.
So then I head into work and everything’s going great, considering it’s my first day back in awhile. When lunchtime finally rolled around, I headed home and was STILL craving that darn green bean casserole. So I reheated it and stirred in a can of tuna…
Don’t knock it ’til you try it, it was good I swear. Of course, I had a couple Reese’s for dessert. When I get back to work, low and behold, someone brought in cookies…again. Come on, self control, do what you do. So, naturally, I had 4. Hey, it’s better than 6, right?
By the end of the day, I was NOT feelin’ the gym in the slightest. But, I knew I had to do something about those cookies so I dragged myself over and hopped on a treadmill…5.12 miles later I was feeling much better about myself.
After I left the gym, Erick called me to let me know he had gotten his insurance switched to his new car (YAY FOR NEW CARS!!) and while he was on the phone he talked to them about adding me to his policy.
*Enter: nervous tummy feeling.*
Currently, I am on my dads insurance policy. I have been since I first starting driving. Now, since we’re married, I am supposed to get off my dad’s and onto my own (not according to my dad, according to the insurance company). Scary. Don’t get me wrong, I can totally handle taking care of my own insurance and what not. I’m a very independent person. That is not what’s causing this feeling. Ever since we got married, it feels like I’m slowly losing the part of me that is “daddy’s little girl” and “mommy’s baby.” Obviously. I’m 22 years old. BUT, I will always always always always always ALWAYS be my daddy’s little girl and my mommy’s baby. That’s just who I am. And I know I’m growing up and starting my own family, but I don’t want to lose that…ever. Now, to some of you, it may sound lame and/or juvenile that all of this is stemming from something as simple as an auto insurance policy. But it just felt like that was the last thread that was letting me stay their baby. And it just got cut. It may also have to do with the fact that I am beyond homesick right now AND my hormones are currently in their own world. But, nonetheless, I broke down. I think it’s natural to feel this way. I think a lot of people have trouble letting go of their childhood, etc.. Nothing wrong with that, right? When my dad got on the phone and said “I was just looking at pictures of you and, man-oh-man I miss you,” I’m pretty sure I could physically feel my heart shattering. I miss him so much. I miss my whole family so much. I miss my house. I miss my dog. Everything. I don’t regret joining the military one bit. It’s changed my life in so many amazing ways, made me a better and stronger person, and given me so many opportunities that I wouldn’t have had otherwise. But, being away from home is, by far, the hardest sacrifice for me. I know it will get better. And I know I will get stronger. I just go through these phases sometimes where when people ask what’s wrong, the only thing that I can get to come out is, “I just want to go home.”
Sorry for all the rambling. Sometimes a good vent is just what the doctor ordered. I am feeling much better and ready to get to sleep. All this just makes me think how blessed I am to have a family so amazing and so loving that it makes it hard to be away from home. Some people don’t have that. So for those of you who do have people worth missing, think of it as a blessing :).
“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” 1 Corinthians 13:13
This is one my favorite Bible verses. I think about this verse whenever I get sad like this because I know there are so many people out there that love me and, even though I can’t always be with them, they will always love me.